Leaving The Nest

We all have to learn to fly some time. . .

After we have kids, we come to the realization that at some point, they will venture out to live a life of their own. We can only hope as parents and care givers that we did a good enough job; provided the activities, knowledge, resources, and prepared them to go out and have a successful adult life. Of course there are always lessons to be learned, and we still help them in any way we can. It’s just the way it is.

If you know me, you know I was never much of a “kid” person, but having your own is a game changer. You just can’t believe the feelings you have when that little one is born, is dependent on you for everything, and grows up under your tutelage. Yes, they can be aggravating, enraging, and sometimes just a huge pain in the ass. . . but they’re your pain in the ass and you love them unconditionally. In contrast, they can also surprise you in great ways and make you proud as a peacock! It’s also rewarding to see them grow into functional adult human beings that now teach us more about the modern world. I’m still not much of a kid person, but I’m more tolerant than I used to be, and love having my kids around.

My wife and I have two handsome, strapping young men. They’re 21 months apart in age. This was really challenging for us for the first two years of our youngest’s life for a lot of reasons. However, they were close enough in age where at some point, they just started watching TV or videos together. They engaged with each other and kept one another company. Being so close in age, we often had them start activities together. One would often accompany the other to an activity even if it wasn’t theirs. Sometimes those activities did become both of their activities, and it wasn’t always the oldest leading the youngest.

If you’ve ever read my blog, you know we homeschooled our kids, so they spent a lot of time together. I made sure they learned to be athletic at a very young age, which didn’t necessarily blend with the other homeschooled kids, but they were involved with several homeschool sports. They just didn’t like it very much because they inevitably had to be less competitive than they wanted to be. Eventually, this led to them being involved outside of homeschool sports with things like gymnastics, bowling leagues, community baseball, flag football, and of course martial arts.

A few years ago, my kids decided it was time to leave the nest. At a very young 23 and 21, they were working full-time, saved enough money for a down payment, and purchased a townhouse together across town. It’s a great space with two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a nice sized living/dining room and a loft. The bedrooms are on either side of the townhouse so they really have their own spaces.

Quite honestly, I wasn’t happy about them moving out. I mean, I was happy for them and proud that they were able to do what they did at such a young age, but I liked having them around. I even helped them look for a place and gave them as much guidance as I could in the real estate realm.

It was going to be an adjustment for all of us. I always tell the story that when they moved out, I was upset for about two weeks, then I realized that my house had stayed clean for more than a day. My sink wasn’t full of dishes and neither was my dishwasher. Where there’s some truth to that, I missed having them at home. Maybe some of it was a control thing because I knew where they were most of the time, but it was their presence too.

I think typically when kids leave the nest, it’s usually one and then the other. My sister moved out of our house at 23. I didn’t have any real reason to move out. I was working full time, got along with my parents, and came and went as I pleased. When I was 28, I finally decided I just needed more space and moved to an apartment; 7 years after my sister left. In our case, it was both kids leaving at the same time. Talk about an empty nest!

Although we still text and talk and send each other mostly funny videos or news about our sports teams (SUPERBOWL CHAMPION EAGLES!!), I miss their daily interaction, conversations, and humor. Sometimes I even miss the disagreements. For now, they still make their way here for Sunday dinners, and we help each other out with stuff as needed. I took one of their old bedrooms as an office when I started working from home, so there were some benefits.

Now, my youngest son is moving to Florida. His long-time girlfriend found her dream job at Disney, and he’ll be moving there with her. He’s made some contacts down there and has already started the process of building relationships with community organizations and the families they serve with the plan to open his own martial arts studio in Orlando. His intent for a while was to move to Florida, so we’ve known this was coming, but now it’s very real.

For the first time in their lives, the two brothers will be separated by around 1200 miles (and so will we!). He’ll continue to manage some aspects of the current martial arts school up North, so they’ll still be in communication, but they’ve been together in some capacity since they were literally babies. Don’t get me wrong, they have a typical sibling “love/hate” relationship. They fight, they laugh, they keep each other company (even if it’s from across the townhouse) and as much as they like a lot of the same things, they are two very different people. I’m going to miss him being close and I’m happy my older son will still be up here, at least for now. More adjustments on the way. This isn’t just leaving the nest; this is flying the coup!

I’ve always been an “adaptor”. I can adapt to just about anything, even the hard things. I don’t always like it and sometimes it just takes longer to adapt to things out of my control, but I adapt, nonetheless. I know we’ll talk and text, and he’ll be back a few times a year to visit (his girlfriend’s family is in Maryland so they both NEED to visit), but it’s not the same as him being close.

At the very least, we now have a good reason to visit sunny Florida. That’s what I’m telling myself anyway. I just want what every parent wants for their kids and that’s for them to be safe, happy, and successful, no matter what, no matter where, no matter how much we need to adapt. My older son will bear the brunt of this adjustment from my wife and I, but the nest will seem even a little emptier with the younger one so far away.