Do We Really Want To Do This?

If you've been following these posts, one of my first entries, "Homeschooling?! What Were We Thinking?!" described the circumstances leading up to our decision to homeschool. From what I can tell, most homeschooling families make this decision before the kids are in Kindergarten, and plan on homeschooling from the start. That was not our situation and we weren't necessarily happy about it.

We felt like we were out of options. How did I feel about it? Not very good. I had the same questions as everyone else when it came to homeschoolers. How will they make friends or be social? What will everyone think? Can we really do this? How is it going to affect our lives?

I realized that from the beginning, our kids were pretty social creatures. When Josh was a toddler we used to take him grocery shopping and he would give a huge "Hiya!" to everyone that passed us by. He loved sitting around with adults too, sometimes preferring that conversation over playing with other kids in the room. Seth had no issues going into a room full of kids and blending in or making friends. Both of them had an uncanny knack to understand which of the kids they wanted as friends, and those that they didn't. It's not that they weren't social, they just knew they wanted to hang out with certain people.

It then hit me that we have control over all of these situations and could answer those questions ourselves. We were not stereotypical homeschoolers. We didn't restrict our kids from playing with other kids whether we were in our neighborhood or over someone else's house. We made sure they had activities that socialized them with other kids including their martial arts and religious school classes. I was the 3rd & 4th and then 5th & 6th grade activities coordinator for their religious school classes. We would have two or three activities during the year like bowling, mini-golf, or game nights so the kids could be social outside of the religious school setting.

We also had the homeschool co-op, sports activities, and other places we could socialize. Were they missing something by not going to school? There is surely an aspect of physically going to a school that does provide more socialization and they definitely missed out on that. However, I also remembered from my own school experience that there were those not so great situations. Bullying in many forms, tenured teachers that didn't really seem to care to teach anymore (Ok school teacher friends, don't get pissy here, it's not true in all cases, but I experienced this first hand and know that it's true in some).

Where most of my teachers were pretty good, I also had my share of crappy ones. Those that seemed to just be going through the motions but not actually teaching. Those that don't recognize when a student needs help, or to provide advice on getting that help.

I have friends that graduated from the Philadelphia school system functionally illiterate with few life skills. We had a counselor at our high school who's go to line to students was, "You're not college material". Many of my friends who were told this not only went on to college, but have had successful careers. However, I shudder to think of all of the students that took her "advice" to heart and didn't pursue college or other life experiences.

So what's my point? I truly believe that our kids missed out on some things that I wish they hadn't. However, I also truly believe that the benefits they gained through homeschooling outweighed many of those experiences. They became independent thinkers and learned things at a young age that many traditional schoolers don't. They got one on one attention when needed. And as aggravating as homeschooling could be sometimes, it really helped us form a bond with our boys that typically doesn't exist with families that don't homeschool. I really feel like we truly raised our kids and as a result, they've turned into hard working adults with good work ethics and a unique perspective on education.

How do the boys feel about it? I know they used to talk to their friends and sometimes feel lost in a conversation about school stuff. I know that there are things they wished they hadn't missed out on. I also know that they certainly didn't mind schooling at home, in their PJ's and on a varied schedule. Josh once told me that he really feels that had we not homeschooled them, he wouldn't be the person he is today. He meant that in a good way! So we take the good with the not so good and the bottom line is we did what we needed to do so our boys would get an education, and we didn't have to bow down to an administration that cared more about their egos than their students.

So how did we answer those questions we had?

How will they make friends or be social? They naturally made friends on their own, and we did whatever we could to put them in social situations.

What will everyone think? In the long run, it didn't matter what other people thought. No one provided us with other solutions in our situation. We felt we were doing the best for our kids, and we were.

Can we really do this? It wasn't always pretty, but we did it. It wasn't as hard as you might think and I believe our kids are better for it.

How is it going to affect our lives? It affected our lives in many different ways. We met some great people we would not have if we'd been in public school. We had to shut down a home business but felt it was in the best interest of the kids. We will always have a special bond with our kids that many parents won't experience, that alone made it all worthwhile.